| How does being in relationship serve your higher purpose? What do you believe about being in relationship? What capabilities do you bring to being in relationship? These are just some of the questions I might ask you if you came to me with a relationship issue. These questions come from the work of Gregory Bateson and Robin Dilts, who developed the Neurological Levels Model. This model is really helpful for exploring an issue from different perspectives or levels. I tend to use it as a diagnostic tool.  |
| This Neurological Levels model can be described as a prism, separating all of the strands of who you are, what you bring and where you are in a relationship. The elements of this prism include your beliefs, your values, your identity, your skills & capabilities, and the environment in which you are having or not having a relationship in. This sounds like a lot, and to put it simply if you are having difficulties in your relationship or in developing a new relationship, this could be because you lack certain capabilities and would really benefit from developing new skills and capabilities. At a deeper level, (or higher neurological level) it may be the case that you have some really unhelpful beliefs about relationships. You may believe that relationships are always hard work, that they never last, that it is impossible to be all of you in a relationship. Often these are long held beliefs and barely in your conscious awareness. Stepping into the next neurological level, that of identity, we explore who you are in relationship, what role do you play, what type of partner are you. I would also explore with you how you behave in a relationship, what do you actually do or not do. It is also important to take account of the environment in which your relationship is happening or that you are looking to develop a relationship in. Lastly, I would encourage you to wonder how being in relationship aligns with and supports your higher purpose, your ambitions, your dreams. Working with the neurological levels is a full body somatic experience and I would walk with you through the levels encouraging you to notice what arises physically, emotionally and cognitively at each level. If you have been lost in repeating unhelpful patterns in your relationship or in your efforts to develop a new relationship, then this process is a great starting point and can help to pinpoint where the issue may lie and what changes may help you. It is often easy to overlook the most basic and obvious things. Taking a good look at the environment in which your relationship is happening can be a real eye opener. A recent client after exploring and reflecting on the environment he and his partner were operating in, simply exclaimed, ‘No wonder!’ as he acknowledged the array of pressures and challenges impacting their relationship. Whilst he could not immediately change or alleviate all of the strains and challenges it did give him a deeper appreciation of his partner and himself, and he could begin to develop some immediate practical strategies. When people often hold unhelpful beliefs, these are usually old beliefs that they are barely conscious of, such as that they are responsible for their partners happiness in a relationship. What a burden! What a heavy responsibility. Holding this belief, you might be unconsciously sabotaging your efforts in a new relationship because the cost and effort seems too much, or because you fear failure. Helping you to explore and uncover your unconscious beliefs is the first step in beginning to change them and to develop more helpful beliefs that are also true. If the issue does lie at an identity level, about who you believe yourself to be, and to be in relationship, then I might help you to travel back to the time when you decided that you were unlovable or unworthy and explore new ways for you to realise who you really are. We are multi-dimensional beings operating on many levels. The answer to your difficult issues when seen through the prism of the Neurological Levels Model can be seen so much more clearly. Of course, exploring the Neurological Levels will also surface some of the good and positive beliefs, capabilities, and sense of who you are and what you bring to relationship, which you may not have been fully aware of or appreciating in yourself. Whilst I am describing here how I use the Neurological Levels Model in my Relationship Therapy work with clients, this model is also very useful to explore other aspects of your life. Who you are in your career, or a specific aspect of your career. If you are tentatively starting a new business this process can be a great starting point to identify where you might need more support. If this calls you, do get in touch. |
Who are you in relationship?
Discover more from Christine O'Leary – Personal Development Facilitator, Systemic & Family Constellations Facilitator, NLP Master Practitioner, Relationship Therapy
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Christine O'Leary - Personal Development Facilitator, Systemic & Family Constellations Facilitator, NLP Master Practitioner, Relationship Therapy 
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